


Not Following Company Policy

by Markov_Debris



Series: Company Series [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Episode: s01e04 Cyberwoman, Series Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:07:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markov_Debris/pseuds/Markov_Debris
Summary: After discovering that Ianto had been keeping a Cyberman in the basement Jack has to decide what to do about Ianto.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story that I wrote and it has been slightly edited from the one still on Live Journal. I hope that you enjoy.

Jack raced ahead of the others.  He had forced himself to wait the ten minutes he had promised and now felt impatient.

As he entered the basement storage room he stopped.  Ianto was holding a strange girl, weeping.

Then suddenly he jerked back and held the gun to her head.

“What are you doing?  Ianto it’s me.” She said softly her eyes appealing.”  You wouldn’t shoot me.  I did this for you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Ianto replied his voice broken.  “Lisa,” he sobbed letting the gun lower and his eyes from her as though he could not look at her.

He began to turn away from her as the Captain, with growing horror, realised what she had done.  Jack could not believe how vulnerable Ianto was not making himself.

The others were by his side now just as frozen, watching and waiting.

“We can be upgraded together.”

Jack shot without hesitation.  Ianto turned back to her as the others followed suit.

She fell backwards slowly.  Her eyes only on Ianto pleading.  A look of surprise and shock on the strange girl’s face.

He stepped towards her then turned and looked at Jack.  The older man felt his stare harden.  He had done what he needed to do, he had stopped a cyber invasion.

Then Ianto turned away.  As the young man began to cry once more Jack felt rejected and incredibly angry.

The Welshman was in such a perfect pose for execution.  Jack could feel his gun hand begin to rise.  He was well within his rights to execute the treacherous bastard.  He hadn’t done his duty so Jack had to.

Then suddenly Ianto stopped.  No sound, no movement.

Jack felt a surge of panic.  _I’ve killed him.  What have I done?_

Then as the young man leaned forward to close Lisa’s eyes, Jack thought with relief, _no, I didn’t pull the trigger, no bang._

Ianto gently folded Lisa’s arms and said something in Welsh Jack could neither understand nor fully hear.

He rose solemnly and did not look at the others.  Instead he carefully bent down to lift the cyberwoman.

“Leave her Ianto, we’ll look after her,” Gwen said quickly going to him, hand raised.

Ianto jerked back from her but did not lose his grip.  Gwen froze again not sure what to do.

Angrily Jack strode forward and grabbed Ianto, pulling him violently away.

“She said leave it,” Jack snarled.

Ianto seemed to shrink into himself.  He wanted to hit the boy but Gwen put a restraining hand on his arm.

“Ianto go home,” Jack shouted. 

The Welshman walked away and Gwen followed saying she would drive him home.  He ordered Toshiko up to the main Hub to run an ID check on the girl and find the Japanese man they had seen Ianto escorting earlier.

Owen did not complain about being assigned to help dispose of the Cyberwoman and the conversion unit until he tried to lift her.

“Bloody hell how did he lift her?” Owen exclaimed.

“I don’t think he noticed the weight,” Tosh said quietly over the comms.

“Jack, Jack he’s gone Jack,” Gwen said hurriedly over the channel.

“What do you mean?” The older man demanded anger and fear at war within him.

“When we got to my car he just took off.  I tried following but I lost him.”

“Tosh scan the CCTV to try and find him.  Gwen get back here and help Tosh with the cover up.”

Jack knew Gwen would protest so he turned his comms off.  He was in no mood to tolerate anyone.

Jack’s anger burned in him as they disposed of everything.  As soon as it was done he dismissed them all without bothering to hear Tosiko’s report on Ianto’s location.

He had known it was a mistake.  Ianto bloody Jones was a mistake he should never have given him a job.

He waited, fuming, going over everything.  Raking up all the little things Ianto had done to make him feel hurt and betrayed now until he was ready.

The time had come to correct his mistake.  He made sure the Webley was loaded and checked Tosh’s tracker.  Then he headed for Ianto’s house.


	2. Chapter Two

Jack kept to the speed limit but let his anger race through him.  He did not want anyone stopping him before or after he got to Ianto’s house.

As he suddenly got a clear stretch of road he thought, _if I really wanted him dead why did I kiss him back to life._

Then as he hit traffic his gentler thoughts turned.  _He went to her.  His loyalty was to her.  I gave him his life back and he ran to it.  Whatever relationship we had was an illusion._

He pulled up in front of Ianto’s house.  All the lights were on but he could not see movement through the drawn curtains.

He checked his gun and then returned it to the holster.  No point in warning him.  He would probably do something stupid and Jack didn’t want to damage his coat until he found out who Ianto used to repair it.

Jack was surprised when Ianto opened the door after the third time he rammed his shoulder into it.  It caused him to stumble so that he fell, undignified, onto Ianto’s hall floor.  He was glad that he had left his Webley in its holster or he would have dropped it.

He straightened but Ianto had already moved away.

“I’m afraid I haven’t quite finished yet.  The inventory is taking longer than I anticipated,” Ianto stated emotionlessly.

The young man had washed and changed into some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt, _not very attractive_ , Jack thought.  They made him look like a stranger.

 _That was a good thing_ , Jack thought, admonishing himself.  _I am here to execute him for betraying us not to check out his backside._

Wordlessly Jack followed Ianto into the lounge and froze.  The place was full of boxes.  The furniture, which had probable come with the house, was covered in plastic.

Jack knew Ianto was one for neatness but this seemed quite ridiculous.  He felt quite strange.  All that build up of anger and now he felt unnerved like he had taken a wrong turn in a place he knew well.

On the outside of each box was a sleeve containing an inventory.  Curious Jack bent to look at a few and saw that they have been divided into things that were Ianto’s, things that were Lisa’s and things that they jointly owned.

Jack straightened when he saw Ianto approach and realised that he hadn’t been aware of him going.  The young man was silent and unnoticed even when he was what Jack had come for.  He wasn’t even trying to be stealthy.

The Welshman handed him a small carton of apple juice.

“I’m sorry sir that’s all I have,” he stated with mild polite apology.

For the first time that night Jack Harkness looked properly at Ianto Jones.  He felt his eyes bulge in surprise but after a moment the young man just turned away and went back into the kitchen.

 _When had he gotten so thin?_   Jack had thought it was just because Ianto was half submerged in water.  Where had that slight puppy fat of youth gone that Jack thought made him deliciously cuddly the only time he had gotten close enough to feel him?

Thinking about it Ianto hadn’t shared a meal with the team since Gwen’s speech about how uncaring they were with Carys.  Jack had only ever seen Ianto eat snacks when the young man was asked to join the team meetings.

Gwen’s well meaning speech about humanity had only affected the hardest working member of Torchwood.  Owen was right it was a miracle Ianto Jones was still walking around.

 _He’s right I really am a monster_.  Jack thought.  _I’ve taken all Ianto’s youth, spirit, energy and life and what I didn’t crush, I killed tonight._

Jack entered the kitchen where Ianto was wrapping plates in bubble wrap and putting them in a box.

“Ianto,” Jack began causing the young man to jump; the plate he was holding slipped out of his hand and smashed onto the floor.

He didn’t even sigh.  He just picked up the largest pieces and put them in the bubble wrap sheet.  He then got a dustpan and brush to sweep up the rest and add them to the rest.  He then sealed the broken plate up in a package and added it to the box before amending the inventory.

It took a few minutes for Jack to realise why he was doing this.  While they had cleaned up the Hub for him, Ianto was clearing up his house for them.

_He knows the regulations.  He knows I meant to execute him so he’s tidying everything away to make it easier for us._

Jack made a hasty retreat back to the lounge and went to open a window.  He just wanted to let some air into the lifeless house.

Jack felt tears burn his eyes and it was getting hard to breath.

_I was going to kill him, I was going to kill him._

The echoing mantra and his breath silenced when he heard a floorboard creak behind him.

“I’ve finished in the kitchen for now sir.  I’ll continue with the bedroom.  I left the kitchen knives out just in case you wanted to use them,” He informed Jack in the same, dispassionate voice.

Jack waited until he left then stuck his head out the window and threw up.  When his stomach was empty he slumped down under the open window and tried to decide what to do.

All his anger was now directed at himself.  He was such a stupid, uncaring, insensitive monster.

He had given Ianto space when he joined mostly because he hadn’t hired Ianto for his abilities rather than for his looks and charm.  The other reason was Canary Wharf.  Jack had lost Rose at Canary Wharf and Ianto, he thought, had lost Lisa and more.

Jack remembered the day he gave Ianto the code to the secure archives simply because he couldn’t be bothered to put an artefact away himself.  He knew Ianto was wary enough of the dangers of alien technology to be trusted.

Plus the Welshman proved to be so deliciously inhibited while being fabulously flirty.  Jack had been slowly working on Ianto and, he flattered himself, he had been making progress.

Then Gwen Cooper came snooping and he was like a child with a new toy.  No time for his once favourite, untouched until he accidently broke it.

Ianto entered again carrying a box.  He made his way unsteadily to the other boxes and put it down.

“Just two more boxes and I will be ready for you sir.” Ianto lurched unsteadily back towards the door and Jack was on his feet and catching him.

For a moment he looked like he was going to say something.  Then he just fell forward into Jack’s waiting arms.

In a panic Jack sat him on the plastic covered couch.  Checking Ianto’s vitals he didn’t breath easier until he was sure it was just exhaustion and malnutrition.

Jack carried him up to the bedroom.  He paused to wonder why the bed was still made and a set of pyjamas out when everything else was packed away.

Then he realised it was in case Jack decided to fake Ianto’s suicide.  That way the others would not hate him for doing his duty.

Tears fell in earnest and Jack suddenly knew that the most important thing he could do for the sake of humanity was to keep Ianto Jones.

 


	3. Chapter Three

Jack gently laid Ianto on the bed.  He hesitated then just pulled the covers around him.  He knew Ianto would probably be unhappy to find he had slept in his clothes but that was nothing to how mortified he would be to realise he was in his pyjamas because Jack put him in them.

Jack sat beside the sleeping young man and wondered what to do.  He couldn’t resist brushing a stray lock of the young man’s hair before admonishing himself.

“You know I'm meant to be a 51st century con artist.  The product of superior evolution and technology.

“No one has ever played me like that.  You took me in so completely.  I hope you realise it wasn’t all a lie.  That’s the thing with cons the more you believe the easier they are to pull.

“One day I’m doing the dashing hero out to impress a girl and her doctor friend, next thing I realise I am the dashing hero for my special girl and doctor and they have abandoned me.

“I became a mercenary for Torchwood and you became the faithful servant.  I stopped caring about the world.  You though, I think let yourself care more than you intended.” Jack said waving a hand at the pyjamas and boxes that the sleeping man was unable to see.

“You made me think with my balls.  You even told me what you were capable of when you took on a pterodactyl with a chocolate bar.

“Like all chocolate bars I got seduced by the packaging, the thought of the flavours but I didn’t bother to check out the ingredients, look at the E numbers.

“I’m sorry for that.  Not about what I had to do, you know it was the right thing or you would not have pointed your gun at her.

“51st century guy, a society of equals amongst men, women and whatever’s, all available to so all they wish.

“Gwen’s right we feel so smug and superior with our resources.  We don’t notice our own arrogance when you are standing next to us.  Not even Gwen was immune.” Jack said aware that he is rambling; it was the come down of all the evening’s earlier aggression.

“Ianto I don’t need a butler but I think Torchwood needs you.  I only hope it’s not too late,” Jack finished softly pressing a chaste kiss into the young man’s lips.

Jack turned away and turned his attention to the two boxes.  One was marked as being full of Ianto’s things the other containing Lisa’s.  Jack sat for a moment then made a decision.

He spilt the tape sealing the box of Ianto’s things and began to take them out.  He took great care over Ianto’s suits.  The rest of the clothing he distributed amongst the available drawers and shelves in whatever order Jack thought they should go.

There didn’t seem to be enough until Jack remembered the box Ianto carried downstairs.  He carried the box of Lisa’s things and put it by the front door.  Bringing the other box up and emptying its contents into the bedroom and bathroom did not make the upstairs look any less spartan.

Jack moved downstairs and began to unpack the other boxes containing Ianto’s things.  Lisa’s boxes he gathered by the front door as he knew he had to take them with him.

He checked through the inventories of the boxes containing items that belonged to both of them.  They were mostly household things like, the cutlery, dishes and vacuum cleaner.

Jack’s first impulse was to take them too and get Ianto new things.  Then he checked himself.  Not only would it be and extravagant expensive that Ianto would not approve but he might miss-interpret the gesture as Jack’s trying to erase all traces of Lisa and trying to own the Welshman instead.

There was something very impersonal about Ianto’s house and things.  There was a fire-proof safe with a sophisticated lock which the inventory said contained the young man’s diaries and a few personal items.

Jack wondered if there was so little because Ianto’s things from London were still in secure storage.  It was something to ask Tosh about.

He wrote a note telling Ianto he was on suspension then Jack put the carton of apple juice into his pocket.  He carried Lisa’s boxes to the SUV to take back to the Hub.

He hesitated then retrieved one of the surveillance kits and proceeded to plant bugs and hidden cameras in Ianto’s bedroom, kitchen and lounge.

He drove back via secure storage and put Lisa’s belongings away.  When he got back to the Hub he made sure the surveillance in the house was working.

He went down to his quarters to shower and rest.  Before he took off his coat he put the carton of apple juice on the nightstand as a reminder.

 


	4. Chapter Four

There was a Rift emergency the next day so it was three in the afternoon before Jack brought up the surveillance footage from Ianto’s house.

The young man appeared to be asleep.  Jack checked the footage from the day and saw that Ianto had gotten up, used the bathroom, drunk a glass of water, removed the jogging bottoms and gone back to bed.

Remembering suddenly the lack of food in Ianto’s house Jack went on-line to shop for groceries.  He stared at the on-line supermarket website in confusion.  He had no idea what Ianto liked to eat.

He made educated guesses and was surprised to find he had run up a bill of nearly £200.  Shrugging it off as inflation he cursed when the next delivery slot wasn’t for another three days.

Jack placed the order anyway and decided to order Ianto takeaways in the meantime.  With Ianto just sleeping Jack went back to work.

Jack told himself that he was not stalking the young man for the first two days.  He told himself that Ianto was under surveillance because he was a traitor and had to be watched.

It was a hollow argument as Jack could not help agreeing that Ianto’s loyalty should have been to the woman he loved.  It was a pity she had died at Canary Wharf and the young man cared too much to see that.

After Jack’s take away deliveries were ignored he spent the next three days telling himself, _I’m not stalking him I’m concerned he might decide to kill himself._

He knew this was another lie too.  Jack had the impression Ianto thought committing suicide was selfish and there was one thing Ianto wasn’t it was selfish.  _Besides,_ Jack thought despondently _, he wouldn’t wish someone else to have to clean up the mess_.

Jack was surprised though when the shopping delivery was received graciously.  Ianto put everything away, aired the house and showered for the first time since Jack left him.

Then he looked in one of the drawers for something. A puzzled look crossed his face because what he wanted wasn’t there.

Jack watched tears quietly fall then Ianto went back to bed, naked and hid under the covers.

Jack had another bout of Rift activity to distract him but was disturbed when he returned to see that Ianto had gone in one morning from thinking about life outside to just taking care of the essentials, which now thankfully included toast.

He didn’t go through the drawers though.  He just walked around in the bathrobe that Jack had left on the hook on the door or spent hours just sitting staring into space

At first when he tried to sleep again, Jack saw that he was racked with nightmares.  After a few days Ianto just stayed awake as long as he could until exhaustion claimed him.

Six days after the Cyberwoman incident Jack told himself the truth.  He watched Ianto because he missed him.

For such a quiet man he had a huge presence.  He hid from them in plain sight by being so efficient he became unnoticed.

Jack wasn’t the only one to be cranky.  Tosh and Owen though seemed to develop their own code of silence about Ianto.  That meant that it was Gwen that snapped first.

As the most junior member of the team she had been given the job of looking after the Tourist office, sorting out the food and drink orders and researching using the main frame.

Jack didn’t tell them he had taken on the admin jobs and accounts following instructions Ianto had left after the first time he had sorted everything out as Jack hadn’t quite believed that he had completed them so accurately and effortlessly.

He had taken on the job of feeding Myfanwy and the weevils.  He also took files and artefacts back to the archives at the end of each day.

Admittedly Jack didn’t actually use the archiving system.  He just used a spare store room to put things in date order with as much information as possible with them.

It was on the eighth day of Ianto’s suspension that Gwen threw her tantrum.

Jack had gone into the archives for a file.  He was also hoping Ianto’s calming presence had imprinted itself on the archives enough for Jack to sense it, it had but that only made him miss the Welshman more.

He was just coming out when he saw Tosh ask Gwen something.  The former police constable suddenly shouted.

“Why can’t you do it yourself?  No wonder Ianto hated all of you.  You just treated him like a bloody slave.”

Tosh looked horrified, frozen in place.  Gwen seemed, too late to realise she had gone too far and started to apologize.

“Tosh I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.  I’m just a bit busy at the moment.”

“Tosh get kitted up we’re going out,” Jack called from across the room before either woman could do or say anything else they would all regret.

Toshiko the professional turned immediately to get her things.  Jack stormed into his office ignoring Gwen.  He put his files on his desk, went down into his quarters to grab the carton of apple juice then went into the main area and swept Tosh up towards the invisible lift.


	5. Chapter Five

Neither of them spoke as Jack headed towards the nearest tall building.  Tosh just followed obediently.

At the top they waited, staring at the view, long enough for Tosh to realise her kit was unnecessary and put it down.  She and Jack did not often talk but they both knew it was special.

Toshiko was puzzled when he put the carton of apple juice on the parapet in front of them.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jack said finally.

“I know.  He isn’t one of nature’s haters,” she answered calmly.

“How do you know?” Jack asked half curious, half upset by this simple observation.

“Owen’s still alive,” She answered with a smile; Jack laughed a little for the first time in days.

“Someone who loved as much as he did,” she continued more seriously, “I know how dangerous and alien she was but there were times when I thought I saw a glimpse of humanity.

“I know you think it was a deception but I think that Ianto drew that out of her.  A person who can love like that must find hate very difficult.

“I hadn’t realised he was so passionate.  Hate is so cold it can be almost unemotional, impersonal.  He isn’t one of nature’s haters.”  Jack thought her face had quite a romantic glow as she spoke.

“Deep grief is the one thing that can turn passionate love into cold hate,” Jack told Toshiko sadly.

“I’m not sure about me but I am certain he doesn’t hate you,” Jack continued, “You were always his favourite.”  _His looking after you was genuine.  You didn’t need to be distracted_ ; he thought absently caressing the carton of apple juice.

Tosh did not know what to say to that.  She didn’t feel that she had ever treated Ianto any better than the rest of them.

She knew though that Jack had something else to say.  There was another reason that he brought her up here.  Her Captain knew better that to try and coddle her feelings even if Gwen’s words had hurt deeply.

“When you joined Torchwood I warned you to be careful.  I said this was your one chance,” Jack said finally.

“I remember Jack.  You don’t have to worry I won’t let you down,” Tosh reassured him.

“I warned you because Torchwood One’s penalty for betrayal and treachery is death,” Jack said quietly.

“Jack, Ianto is all right isn’t he?” Tosh asked suddenly very worried.

“Physically he is malnourished and exhausted but otherwise fine.  Emotionally he’s as you might expect I suppose,” Jack answered too quickly, too eagerly, tried to sound causal and he knew it.

“I...”

He couldn’t continue.  He couldn’t look at her trusting face and tell her he had wanted to kill the young man.  Not coldly execute but murder him.

He looked at her and saw that he didn’t have to.  As he tried to tell her his intentions with his eyes, hers told him that she knew what he had intended and had known that he would not have done it, even if he couldn’t see why, she had such faith in him.

“He knew Torchwood policy Tosh,” He continued wanting to probe this wound as much as possible to see if it would make her ill. 

“He packed away his things.  He made arrangements so I could kill him and let you think it was suicide.

“You have no idea how guilty it makes me feel.  That small consideration for the rest of you,” he said quietly feeling a slight relief to finally tell someone.

“Jack in a way Gwen is right.  Ianto does have every right to hate us and not for Lisa’s death.  Do you think I should go and see him?” Tosh asked quietly.

“No it’s best that I do this.  I put him on suspension because we all needed time.  I will take him out and I want you and Owen to organise a full surveillance in his house,” Jack ordered.

“Jack he hasn’t tried to kill himself has he?” Tosh was feeling very worried again.

“No.”

“If you are thinking of taking him back he cannot be a security risk or are you just not ready to trust him?” Tosh demanded quietly.

“He still might be a security risk,” Jack said blithely. 

He looked at her keen face.  She wanted to know why but didn’t quite want to ask.

“Tosh he let me in.  He knew I should have gone there to kill him.  He even made preparations to make it easier.

“Torchwood has a lot of enemies and it has become quite obvious that he knows more than he let us believe.  He is vulnerable right now and there are people out there who are more than willing to take advantage.”

 _Considering he left all his windows open and has been walking round in a bathrobe he’s extremely vulnerable to the common cold._ Jack though but was glad he stopped himself from saying it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Tosh to think he was stalking Ianto because he defiantly wasn’t.  It was because his spur of the moment excuse had left some worrying thoughts in its wake.

 


	6. Chapter Six

Somehow Jack had defiantly done something wrong.  He was not sure what but his worry for Ianto was increasing daily.

After talking with Tosh, he had gone to Ianto’s house.  Told the young man to get dressed because Jack was taking him out to dinner to make sure he started eating properly.

The young man obeyed him, silently dressing on jeans and a jumper.  He remained silent and wary while Jack talked through the drive, through dinner and on the way back home.

He told Ianto he would be collecting him again for Lunch tomorrow which the young man acknowledged with a small look.  Jack had gone back to the Hub and checked the surveillance.

Ianto had not made himself sick which relieved Jack considerably.  He had sat quietly for a few hours.  Then went to bed.

Nightmares woke Ianto far too early in Jack’s opinion but the young man got up washed, by hand the clothes he had worn the night before and cleaned the house.

At half past eleven he dressed in new clothes and waited for Jack.  The older man took him to lunch, talked to a brick wall with a young face and brought him home, telling him he would be back for dinner.

The young man had a snooze then spent time working in the garden which Jack cursed because no one had thought to put cameras and microphones out there.

At five Ianto showered, dressed in something new and waited for Jack to collect him for dinner.

With the hecticness of the rift it was a few days before Jack had a chance to watch the surveillance footage and realise Ianto had a new daily routine.

He would wake at five.  Wash by hand the clothes he wore the previous day, hang them out to dry wither on the washing line or on a clothes horse if it looked like rain.

He would dress in something he had worn and washed before and go out.  It was a lull in rift activity that allowed Jack to discover that the young man was going to all the various tourist areas in Cardiff.

He would return to the flat at eleven.  Shower, put on clothes from inside the drawers or the wardrobe and wait for Jack.

They would go out to lunch and Jack would return Ianto to his home.  Ianto would sleep until another nightmare woke him.

Then he would take care of the house and garden making changes and repairs.  Then at five he would get ready for dinner in the same way he got ready for lunch.

When Jack brought him back he would just sit in the silence and do nothing until the early hours of the morning.  Then he would go back to bed to try and sleep.

This simple routine had a few extra rituals though that told Jack that somehow he had done something wrong.

Firstly on the second day after he first took Ianto out to dinner, the young man had emptied his fridge of all the fresh food Jack had ordered.  He packed them up neatly and donated them to a homeless shelter.  He did not replace them so that whenever Jack was late or too busy with Torchwood business the young man just didn’t eat.

The clothes also worried Jack.  Ianto only went into the drawers to get fresh clothes when he went out to eat with him.  For the mornings he would wear something he had worn and washed before.

These cleaned clothes were not put away either.  They rested on dining room table in piles until Ianto chose what he wanted.

It concerned him too that Ianto kept turning the electricity off in his house.  He washed his clothes by hand because he would only allow electricity to run through his house from the time he was ready for lunch to half an hour after Jack took him home from dinner.

Every morning as part of his routine, after getting dressed, he would re-set the clocks in the lounge and kitchen before sitting and waiting for Jack.

It was not as though the young man was ever pleased to see him either.  He never looked Jack in the eye and never spoke to Jack unless the older man asked him something and then he only received short answers.

What made Jack angry though was the fact that Ianto was always polite to the staff in the restaurants Jack took them to.  He wasn’t sure why but this simple courtesy shown to strangers made him feel so mad.

Six days after his talk with Toshiko on the roof, two weeks after the Cyberwoman incident, Ianto poured Sangria over Jack’s head.


	7. Chapter Seven

Three days earlier Jack’s gratitude that someone was getting Ianto out of his silence began to turn to jealousy.  There he was with his amusing anecdotes and wild stories and all he got were a few bland platitudes.

Waiters, waitresses, barpersons and hosts of the various eating establishments that Jack took Ianto received kind thanks, compliments on the meal and polite enquiries as to their health if the young man had been there or met them before.

The burning anger he had felt the night he had wanted to kill Ianto was starting to come back.  He was trying to make an effort but he was being distinctly spurned.

He did not consider the fact that he flirted with the staff to be a double standard.  He was trying to keep his mood light.  Some of them were cute.  Jack did not want Ianto to think that his behaviour was affecting him.

This lunchtime though came after a particularly difficult night.  They had had to foil an alien determined to subvert the population of Cardiff with subliminal controls placed in pirate DVD’s.

They had been lucky that they started with porn films but that was only because Owen just happened to buy one and used the Hub’s mainframe to watch it for the first time.

The Hub’s computers had detected the subliminal program and warned them of the dangers.  Finding the perpetrators and stopping them while they were surrounded by a bodyguard of innocent victims had not been pleasant.

Jack had told the others they could take the rest of the day off and he had gone, a little late, for his lunch with Ianto.

He told Ianto all about it while they waited for their meal and became increasingly annoyed that Ianto was not finding the story interesting.

Then the waitress came up with the wrong order and Jack just snapped.  Anger at Ianto, anger at the terrible day, anger at having this simple idea of his go wrong for no reason came out in a tirade against the young girl.

She put on the same polite smile Ianto used to use when dealing with tourists, apologised and practically ran to the bar.

Ianto stared at him for a moment in stony disbelief.  Then silently he got up and followed the young woman to the bar.

He spoke too low for Jack to make out his words across the crowded room.  He saw their effect though and felt incredibly hurt.

First his words calmed her, then after a while brought a hesitant smile to her face.  He also spoke to the manager and then the bar man.

He brought a couple of twenty’s out of his wallet and handed them over.  The barman produced a large jug of sangria and handed it over to Ianto.

With a final word and a nod to the young lady Ianto threaded his way through the tables to where Jack was sitting.  Without a single word or gesture to warn him Ianto poured the contents on the jug over Jack’s head.

He then turned to their waitress who now had a beaming, delighted smile on her face.  A final nod to her and the manager and Ianto walked out of the restaurant without looking back to Jack.

His blue shirt ruined with the red liquid he was glad the incident that had fuelled his anger had forced him to leave his great coat in the Hub.

He was not sure when he had last felt so publicly humiliated though, he just had to admit it though, he also felt slightly turned on by it.

He got up and went to the bar, apologised for his behaviour to the waitress, barman and manager then left to follow Ianto.


	8. Chapter Eight

Ianto was walking away, taking one of the small alleyways so Jack had no choice but to follow him on foot.  Jack guessed he was going home but the young man was fuming so much he was not paying attention; and Jack did not want anything to happen to him.

He did not even bother to shut the front door behind him so that Jack was able to follow him inside.  Jack closed the door and then Ianto rounded on him.

“You do not do that to someone.  You do not smile and flirt to cheer someone up then snap like that because you are having a bad day.  Could you not see that she was already upset?  Your bit of flirting was the only good thing that had happened to her today then you destroyed all that just because she made a mistake.

“Just because what she does is not as important as saving the city from things beyond understanding, does not mean that she is not worthy of being protected from other human beings who think they are better than they are.”

Ianto turned away and all the anger and fire drained away.  Jack felt relieved that he had finally gotten some reaction out of the young man.  It was not the one he wanted but as soon as the Welshman turned and let the feeling go Jack instantly missed it.

“So you poured sangria over my head in the middle of a restaurant just to make her smile.  Not the best way to get into the bosses good books,” Jack said teasingly, wanting that anger back.

“It is what she wanted to do herself but she would have been fired.”

“And that is not going to happen to you?  Do you really hate your job that much?”   Jack asked tentatively.

“No.  It is not as exciting or taxing as what the rest of you do but I enjoyed doing it.  I used to meet interesting people in the tourist office some times.  Saw interesting aliens in the cells.  I loved doing research to help with cases, exploring and ordering the archives.  I didn’t even mind the tidying up or organising, making coffee or doing the admin and accounts,” Ianto turned back to him with an expression of realisation.

“It's pay day next week.  Jack tomorrow you have to organise the transfers with the bank or the others will not get paid.  The account files were all up to date.”

While Jack looked stunned at the turning of Ianto's mind, the young man looked properly at Jack.

“That shirt will be ruined if it is not put in soak.  Take it off.  There is a parcel in the lounge that arrived last week.  It has some new shirts for you in there.  I ordered them before I was suspended as you had ruined a few.  I thought they might attract less attention if they were delivered here rather than the tourist office.” Ianto explained as he took the shirt and undershirt from Jack.

Jack felt disappointed that Ianto deliberately did not look as his naked torso.  It was only to be expected though and Jack silently put one of the new shirts on.

He listened to Ianto as he cleaned the red stained garments.  The young man was going through a list of all the things that needed to be done in his absence and apologising for not telling him earlier.  Things that Jack had not even realised Ianto had started doing for him.

“Are you trying to make yourself indispensable?”   Jack asked after half an hour.

“I am not indispensible.  All these things can be easily done by someone else.  There is a file in the mainframe with the CV's of suitable replacements.  I just think it would be easier for them if you knew what all my jobs were.” Ianto answered calmly leaving the clothes and returning his attention to Jack.

“Were we really so terrible to you?”   Jack asked quietly.

“You are not terrible, not really, just thoughtless sometimes.”

“But if you don’t mind the job then it must be us.  Were we really so bad that you want to leave?”   Jack demanded.

“Torchwood regulations say ...” Ianto began but Jack cut him off closing the distance between them and grabbing Ianto's arms pulling him out of the semi shade of the kitchen into the brightness of the lounge.

“Forget Torchwood rules is this what you want?  Do you want to forget us?  Do you want to forget Lisa and all the good times?  Is her death so consuming you?”   Jack demanded.

Ianto stood there trying not to tremble with fear.  It shocked Jack deeply because at no time when he held a gun to Ianto's head had he displayed any fear for himself.  Jack relaxed the grip in his fingers but did not let go.

“What is it that you want?”   Jack asked gently and tears slipped out of Ianto's closed eyes.

“I am responsible for two deaths.  I would wish to atone for those deaths by making sure no one else suffers.  I would want to continue working for Torchwood to do what I can but that is not what I am allowed to do.

“Death of flesh or death of memory they are a different kind of atonement and I will accept whichever you choose.  I would regret the latter for in it, there is no justice for those that died.”

Jack drew himself closer.  Ianto could not know how much he had taken being called a monster to heart.  How Ianto’s actions after he had gone home that night and his actions now told Jack how true it was.  How much more he had to atone for than this young man.

“Can you smell something burning?” the young man whispered looking away.

Jack ignored the question.  Instead he lifted his right hand up to touch Ianto's face.  Before he touched the young man's cheek he jerked away.

Eyes open and frightened, Ianto was backing away into the kitchen until he hit the unit.  Then he slid down drawing up his knees and rocking.

Jack checked though all there encounters.  Aside from threatening Ianto with a gun there was nothing he had done to provoke this reaction.

Ianto was tearing at his clothes as thought they irritated him.  He was staring to sweat and his breathing was getting harsh.

_Can you smell something burning?_

Jack felt incredibly slow.  _The nightmares, night after night.  Had Ianto ever stopped having them or was it just Lisa’s death that was making his mind re-live the battle of Canary Wharf._

 _Why not?_ Jack told himself.  _You have been trying not to remember that Rose died in Canary Wharf by not sleeping.  That was what gave this betrayal its extra sting.  It almost meant Rose’s death was for nothing._

Rose though, would not have failed to see the suffering of someone who had lived through the battle and was still re-living it.  Something he himself had not considering before.

Something he realised he should have tackled when he gave Ianto the job, after all, the young man had even asked him what he should do with the memories of the battle.  If he had, maybe Ianto would not have two deaths on his conscience. 

Jack knelt down in front of Ianto.  Close enough that the young man was aware of him, close enough to trap him.

“Ianto tell me about the battle of Canary Wharf?” he asked softly.

The young man spoke in a monotone.  His accent almost completely flat.  Like he was recalling something so painful the only way he could was to do so without emotion.

Ianto told him that he had never been comfortable about the ghost shift.  How he had always found an excuse to be in a room without the ghosts when the shift started.  He didn’t mention how the first shift had caused him and everyone else of the psychic research programme to pass out or die but that was in his records and he knew Jack knew it.

He had been away from the action, away from where the cybermen emerged.

He was a researcher not a soldier.  He did not join the fighting, he went looking for Lisa.  He had done what he could every now and then to help but used his skills of being unobserved to try and find her.

He told Jack about the chamber where cybermen were doing their conversions.  How he had found Lisa but had been caught and take to the conversion units.  How she had been in front of him, how he had been marched towards his own conversion unit, when the Doctor opened the fracture and sent the cybermen into the void.

He spoke of how he went to Lisa.  How he got her out of the chaos.  How he hid her in an empty garage not far from his home and rigged up some equipment to stabilise her.

Ianto had returned four times for equipment, taking some other things that he thought too dangerous for anyone else.  Things he had since stored in Torchwood 3's archives when he installed Lisa in Jack's basement.  On his fifth trip he had spotted the others and knew it was too risky to return.

He was sure he had been spotted the next day when two men took him in for questioning.  They interrogated him for three days about the battle, about the way Torchwood was run and about what he did.

Ianto answered their questions telling some truth, some lies; a lot of the time telling them nothing they didn’t already know.  As he 'rested' in the room that was really a cell, Ianto formulated the plan to infiltrate Torchwood Three.  It was not just that he needed the resources, or that he might need help if something went wrong.  He needed the protection so that he could help Lisa without fear of being separated.

Jack understood why Ianto was glossed over why the ghost shifts made him uncomfortable and what else Canary Wharf had cost him.  He also brushed over most of the details of how he tracked down Jack, why he targeted him and how he managed to penetrate Torchwood's security to smuggle Lisa in the first place.

Jack found every word from Ianto’s lips difficult to hear.  Every action brought admiration for the young man’s bravery; and remorse that he had not tried to befriend him properly earlier.

When Ianto finished he looked exhausted and drained.  Jack wanted to tell him it will be all right but the way Ianto jerked away from the slightest movement on Jack's part told him he could not.

Finally Ianto took a deep breath and looked Jack straight in the eyes.  There was a touch of defiance there, as though Ianto knew Jack would not want to hear what he had to say next, but was going to say it anyway.

“According to the regulations, in cases of betrayal against Torchwood, especially those involving dangerous alien technology, the criminal must be interrogated thoroughly with authorised use of torture for the good of the empire before execution.”


	9. Chapter Nine

Jack looked into those cold blue eyes and recoiled in horror.  _He cannot know.  I left that part of myself behind when I left the time agency.  How can he know I used to torture people when they needed me to?_

_He doesn’t, he’s quoting the regulations.  You made yourself a monster in his eyes with all that anger you directed at him that night._

It explained Ianto's coldness when they ate together.  All this time he hasn’t seen an attempt to form a new friendship, Ianto thought he was being cruel trying to build false hope.

The contradictions in his behaviour and this damn Torchwood One policy must have created a war in Ianto’s reasoning.  From threatening his execution to putting him on suspension was a big difference in attitude.

Finding his clothes in the wrong places was just a small reminder that Jack, the killer of his girlfriend, was the one letting him live.  The one keeping him imprisoned in a nightmare.

His giving the Welshman his time to mourn must have felt like a false sense of security when Jack started push at him with his dinner invitations.  Now he understood Ianto’s strange behaviour.

He was probably so much in mourning that he either never considered or didn’t care that Jack was watching him before.  But after being taken to dinner by Jack he must begun to feel paranoid and angry.

Tosh and Owen did not have the advantage of having just re-arranged the house like Jack had and Ianto would probably have realised were the hidden cameras were.  That was why he suffered the cold and darkness every night.  To stop the surveillance not knowing that Jack’s devices were not the standard ones the others used and did not run on Ianto’s electricity supply.

He went out every day partially to defy the prison his house must feel like and partly to see other people living around him.  Knowing Ianto, he probably was also thinking that if he returned he would be better informed for when he ran the Tourist Information Office.

The clothes were an act of defiance to.  He dressed from the places Jack had put his clothes for dinner with his tormentor.  After he had washed them they became his again so he could wear them for himself.

Jack felt a little admiration build in him.  Ianto had not only accepted the possibility of death when he tried to save Lisa but torture.  It was only when Jack seemed to be dragging an innocent into the game that Ianto snapped.

Jack reached down and clasped Ianto's hands.  He was surprised that they did not flinch.  Staring him straight in the eye he said gently.  “I put you on four weeks suspension because that’s the minimum period of bereavement leave a Torchwood employee is entitlement for the loss of a loved one in the line of duty.

“I was taking you out to dinner because it’s obvious that you have been starving yourself for months.  I snapped at that girl today because I had a bad day and I was irritated at getting the silent treatment.

“I did not remember that particular regulation and would never follow it unless the world was in danger.  You have nothing to fear from me in that way.  I will not harm you, I will not execute you and I will not take your memories” _though part of me wishes to_ , Jack added inside his skull.

Ianto was just staring at him.  Jack did not know what those eyes were looking for in him.  Not for the first time he felt like the young man could see the hidden depths of his mind, impossible though he knew it was.

“I lost someone during the battle of Canary Wharf too,” Jack said impulsively wanting to fill the silence. “That’s why I was so hostile when you first asked for a job.  I liked you though Ianto Jones you have style.”

“You were supposed to like me,” The young man answered quietly turning his head away.

“I have also loved like you do.  They made me a hero, I fought for them, died for them, would have willingly destroyed the world for them, but I lost them.” Jack said gently thinking about being on the Games Station.  _They left me behind and I stopped being their hero and became your monster._

“It may sound hypocritical,” Ianto said in Jack’s pregnant pause, “but I wouldn’t want any lover to destroy the world for me.  I think I’ve forfeited that right.

“I would not object to being fought for, I would do the same.  I not sure I can guarantee given past evidence that I would not be willing to sacrifice the world for love.  I just don’t think I could bare anyone destroying the world for me.

“Falling in love, Canary Wharf, losing Lisa they are landmark events in my life.  They changed me, are changing me into what I am not ready to know.

“Knowing a lover would destroy the world for me would change me too I think, change how I feel.  How would I feel if someone tender to me could be so merciless to others?

“That’s how I knew she wasn’t Lisa.  She would not have killed.  Wouldn’t have thought the world needed upgrading.

“I feel though like she just died not months ago.  My nightmares swing between cybermen cutting her up in the conversion unit and ...” Jack heard the unsaid, _you executing her in cold blood, my flesh and blood Lisa._

“I am mess of confusion Jack.  My rational mind, my heart and my instincts are telling me contradictory things and every time I try to sort them out...”

“I do something that disrupts you,” Jack finished for him and Ianto nodded.

Jack closed his eyes and hung his head.  He had been trying to help but had only made things worse.

Jack might play the hero that knew no physical fear for himself, but emotionally he was very much the coward.  Lost too many people he cared about over such a long time.

Before him sat a mere mortal, almost ten times his junior, yet he had greater strength and bravery in his heart that Jack had in his lifetime.

Looking at Ianto he knew the young man needed time to heal and to forgive.  Time would resolve the conflicts of his pain within himself; he would embrace his loss to change him and make him stronger.

Jack could not do that.  He hated the world for every loss, rejected the pain of it as soon as he could.  He stayed the same in his heart and mind, just as he stayed the same in the flesh, to have to re-learn the lessons of loss again and again, making himself weaker.

Now though was not the time to rethink his own personal philosophy.  He had to let Ianto embrace his.

“I want you to promise me that you will eat properly and look after yourself.  Put your things back in the places they belong.  I just put them away to let you know I wasn’t going to take them, that I didn’t intend to carry out my threat to execute you.

“I will let you grieve in peace Ianto.  If you want to talk I know that Tosh wants to see you.” Jack felt his heart lighten as a smile ghosted Ianto’s face at the mention of their technical genius.

“I promise I will eat and call if I need to talk,” The Welshman said solemnly.

“I will come to see you the day before you come off suspension.  We will need to talk before you come back to work,”

“I understand sir,” Ianto replied making the older man wonder if the young man had heard the, _if that’s what you want and I hope it is_ that Jack had silently added.

Jack helped the Welshman to his feet.  The simple “thank you,” he received meant more to him than all the confidences they had ever shared.

It meant that Ianto understood him, understood that he had not meant to add to the pain.  That he was a step closer to resolving how he felt about the boss who had to destroy the cyborg pretending to be the woman he loved.

Jack let himself out with only a small glance to Ianto.  He was going to hate the wait until he saw the young man again but he felt a relief, a small hope burning in him as he closed the front door behind him.

 


	10. Chapter Ten

Jack checked the CCTV footage the next day to make sure that Ianto really was okay.  The young man went out, but when he returned he did eat a proper meal and read a little to himself before going to bed.

After that Jack tried not to invade his privacy.  Only twice did he break this decision.  Both times after a difficult encounter with dangerous aliens.  Both times when he needed the re-assurance of Ianto’s presence but had to content himself with just watching.

He wished the young man would call him to talk but knew he wouldn’t.  Jack was certain that it was not just a need for secrecy that made Ianto a very private person.

The day before Ianto’s suspension ended Jack called at his house to take him for lunch.  He felt a little guilty because they were in the middle of an investigation, they had a corpse and everything, but it wasn’t as if they were making any progress with it.

It was a little difficult not to smile widely at the Welshman when he opened the door.  His face was a little more filled out than it had been the night Lisa died.  It looked like he had had exercise in the fresh air which gave his skin a little more colour.

There was still a sadness in him, deep in his eyes making him seem remote while his face gave the impression you had his full attention.  He was though, more relaxed as if he had decided something.

Jack took him to one of the restaurants they had visited while Jack was being and insensitive idiot.  Ianto had obviously been there before and liked both the food and the service more that his company at the time.

They talked about small things.  How Ianto was, how the others were.  Did Ianto still want to work for Torchwood, did Jack still want him to work for Torchwood.

All the little things they needed to say to each other as boss and employee.  It was cordial and polite but Jack could not help feeling that he had lost something but was not sure what.

“Do we treat you like a slave?” Jack asked suddenly. 

The general increase in grumbling from the team, especially when Jack distributed the other jobs that Ianto did, made him wonder about Gwen’s concern.

When Ianto just blinked Jack suddenly felt the need to justify the question.  He explained how he couldn’t understand the archiving system.  Gwen’s complaints about how much they were making her do in addition to what she already did.

How he had actually spent two days before Ianto reminded him, doing the accounts and organising the payroll.  How they kept running out of things and Owen’s protests about being sent to wholesale butchers to get the meat for Myfanwy and the weevils.

“Sir, it’s not as though I am a field agent who is expected to drop everything as and when it is required.  If you need me to back someone up you usually give me enough notice so that I can re-arrange everything,

“I only spend two hours a month doing the accounts, four when you or Owen hand in your expenses and I do them in the Tourist Office.  I also do my online and newspaper research and write my information reports there.

“Unlike the main centre office I only open the Tourist Office between ten and four in the summer and between ten and one in the winter, except for special city celebrations or when we are expecting guests or deliveries or if you have been out.

“I check the supplies in the SUV after each mission and in the Hub when I am tidying up.  I do a mental inventory and I figured out shortly after I started when the best time to re-stock supplies was.

“I had to make changes to the team’s needs when Gwen joined but she only really makes a dent in the chocolate biscuit and A4 paper supplies.  We will be able to make more Charity Christmas cards this year when we recycle our waste paper by the way.” Ianto informed him and Jack just nodded and allowed him to continue.

“It doesn’t usually take me more than an hour in the morning to prepare the food for Myfanwy and the Weevils and tidy up the Hub unless you have been busy during the night.

“I also don’t need more than an hour in the evening databasing and logging the teams reports before I file them.  The filing and archiving systems are really not that difficult to understand there were instructions in the mainframe left by a predecessor when I joined and I simply refined them.” Ianto said looking at Jack in confusion.

“It’s still a lot of work,” Jack said thinking of little else to say.

“Not to me.  It isn’t the same as what I did before but it isn’t any less interesting.  I do all my preparations while I do the more mundane tasks.  I admit I do go a little out of my way to collect our supplies from Gavin before I come into work but he doesn’t mind me visiting him so early.”

“He’s well too by the way.”

“I know I went to tea with him on Wednesday.”  Jack looked stunned at this reply so Ianto added.  

“I didn’t want him to worry about me and I wanted to make sure that he was alright.”

Gavin was an ex-member of Torchwood Cardiff from long before the millennium massacre.  Nearly twice Ianto’s age he had been the victim of alien tech which severely reduced his intellect and mental capacity.

The boss at the time had taken pity on him and made him the caretaker of a fake lab on an industrial estate.  His main job was to look after the building and accept deliveries of supplies that would raise too many questions if sent to a Tourist Office.

He had yet to take Gwen to visit him because he was not sure how she would react, or how meeting him would change her.

Toshiko had been polite but found the huge Welshman a little frightening as she met him only a few days after her release from UNIT custody.  Both Owen and Suzie had had no patience for him, except when Owen performed his annual physical, as a doctor Owen could be surprisingly gently where he wasn’t as a field agent.

Ianto though had amazed him.  Jack had feared that he would react the same way as Suzie and Owen.  After all the heady heights of the Torchwood Tower had no room for a little compassion towards someone as broken as Gavin.

Ianto though, was always polite, courteous and kind to Gavin without even a hint of his being patronising.  Jack fondly remembered Ianto telling him he had to visit Gavin one day because it was his birthday.

Jack had taken Ianto with him because he knew that Gavin enjoyed the young man’s company.  He had been embarrassed to get there and realise he hadn’t brought a gift.  Ianto though had brought two, one from Jack as Gavin’s boss and one from Ianto himself as a friend.

With Jack thinking fondly of his dinner companion they continued the meal in silence.  Jack checking again before they finished that Ianto was okay with coming to work and admonishing him not to take on too much on his first day back.

Jack headed back to the Hub with a feeling of nervous anticipation.  It lasted until he returned to his office and found Owen waiting from him.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Jack knew from the look on Owen’s face that he was in his office to discuss Ianto.  Of all of the team the medic was the one he dreaded seeing the most, because he knew as soon as he looked at the Londoner that they weren’t going to be discussing their current corpse.

Owen had been almost as snide about Ianto as he has been about Gwen, though he had mellowed to the young man quickly.  Suzie was the only one, when Ianto joined them, whose opinion about hiring the Welshman had been worse.

When Jack brought Myfanwy in to the Hub and explained that he was hiring someone who would be there as support staff they had all been surprised.  Suzie had demanded to know what it was he would be doing and Jack just reeled off the list of things Ianto had told him he could do earlier that night.

Being forced to explain in detail only made Jack warm to the idea.  He even managed to get the others on board with the idea that they could use someone to save them from rubbish and mountains of paperwork and alien artefacts.

Then Ianto had shown up dressed in his suit with a white shirt and navy blue tie.  Jack was glad that Ianto was so early that he allowed himself a few minutes to just stare at him before going up to Ianto’s tourist office and letting him in.

The only person less impressed that day than Suzie at the sight of Ianto in his suit, was Ianto when he first saw the Hub.  His _I have a lot of work to do ahead of me_ expression only increased when he met the medic.

Jack had known Owen had a well of irritability and anger stored inside him when he first offered him the job.  It made him difficult to live with sometimes but he was still very good at what he did.

Jack had been worried at first, especially when Owen made a comment about them all knowing the real reason why Jack had hired him.  Ianto had replied that it really was a pity that Torchwood no longer had the budget to mount a search and rescue mission every time Owen went into the archives and that his salary was quite meagre in comparison to that particular expense.

Even Toshiko found the comment amusing.

So every time Owen got aggressive with Ianto, the young man had either a witty or common sense retort to keep the frustrated doctor at bay.

Jack though, caught an unguarded moment of sadness in the young man’s eyes as he watched the team and remembered that their camaraderie was something the Welshman had once had in London and recently lost.  He decided not to pursue the _supposed_ real reason for hiring Ianto and instead did a bad job of trying to make him part of the team.

The medic’s anger at Suzie after he found out about her murder spree and suicide was what made Jack nervous about _this_ conversation.

Except that when Jack told the others that he put Ianto on suspension Owen had said nothing.  He did not rage about it being the wrong decision or that Jack should get rid of him, he didn’t demand that Ianto be given either death or Retcon.

“Can I help you Owen?” Jack asked deciding it was best to get this conversation over and done with.  His relaxed mood after lunch with Ianto was completely destroyed.

“Well is he staying or going?” Owen demanded without preamble.

“Ianto will be returning tomorrow,” Jack replied almost challenging Owen to argue with his decision.

“Good, I was getting tired of instant coffee no matter how expensive the brand.  Tosh will be glad too, maybe she can start to appease her guilt,” Owen replied moving around the Captain to leave.

“What has Tosh got to feel guilty of?” Jack asked in surprise especially after their conversation of the roof top.

“The same thing as you.  You took his presence and the things he did for granted and never tried to know him.  Gwen’s lucky in that respect, being new she’s not been here long enough for her to be expected to know him.

“Me, I'm not really a people person I don't even try to find out the names of the people I shag sometimes so it doesn’t really bother me.  Tosh is not really a social person either but her natural reserve will not stop her feeling guilty though that she did not try, especially after she saw Suzie become consumed.

“You captain have been a broody war of guilt and hurt for four weeks and I’m glad it’s nearly over.  Just because you haven’t been able to decide which of you is to blame most.”

“And which of us is to blame?” Jack asked quietly having long ago decided that he was to blame.

“It doesn't matter.  He betrayed Torchwood for love, not you because you never took the time to befriend him properly.  Our job does not make socialising easier and we’re all slightly screwed up,” Owen replied with a shrug. 

“He didn’t give us a chance to know him Jack and tried his best not to know us personally.  We can only try and forgive each other and try again.”

“Owen I thought...” Jack stammered

“You though I would shout and demand you fire him.  Execute or Retcon him.  I loved Katie as much as he loved Lisa.  I did not give up on her and I blamed you for her death, for making me feel like I was going mad.  I was wrong, Ianto was wrong and you were also wrong Jack.”

Before Jack could respond Owen continued out of the door.

Sitting down at his desk Jack suddenly felt strangely relieved.  His decision was the right one, was justified, his trust not misplaced.

It was with renewed enthusiasm that Jack bounded out of his office a few minutes later to tackle the latest problem from the rift.

His excitement had returned.  He could not wait to tomorrow and seeing Ianto back at work again.   He couldn't wait for his second chance.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Jack’s euphoria lasted for the rest of the day and long after the others departed.  It was a heady mix of excitement at seeing Ianto and anxiousness that they young man might change his mind and decide not to stay.

He was so caught up in this bouncy feeling that he didn’t even think to call the others when one of Tosh’s alarms signalled a possible Weevil sighting.  Not that it mattered, he was immortal and an experienced Weevil hunter.

He kitted up and took the SUV out.  The Weevil was dealt with as easy as he predicted with only a short fight.  It was only when he went to the Hub to change and look fresh for the when the others came in that he realised he had split his lip in the fight.

The vain part of him cursed.  He had wanted to look his best.  He did not want to look like a potentially violent maniac.

As seven o’clock approached a new problem began to torment him.  Where should he be when he greeted Ianto?

Should he be in the central Hub?  No, too eager and could frighten, or at least disconcert, the Welshman.  Wait in his office?  No, that was too cold and impersonal.

He was still debating when the cog wheel door alarm sounded.  He was a little surprised himself, when for the first time he felt disappointed to see Gwen.

“What happened to you?” she asked indicating his cut lip.

“Weevil, nothing I couldn’t handle.  You’re in early, what are you doing here?” He asked turning away and up the stairs.

The look of alarm when Gwen saw him told him that the main Hub was defiantly not the place to welcome Ianto back.  The briefing room though, with its glass walls, he could wait there for Ianto to come in and be welcoming without being in his face.

“It’s Ianto’s first day back isn’t it?  I thought it would be nice to be in early to welcome him.  See how he settles in?” she answered brightly.

There was something about her smile and the way she leant against the corner strut, away from him told Jack that this wasn’t quite true.  Besides which, after her outburst about them treating Ianto as a slave she hadn’t mentioned or inquired about him at all.

It was out of character enough to make Jack wonder and then he realised it.  The night they fought the cyberwoman was the first time she had seen him angry, really angry and against a member of his team.

Even when he found out about Suzie’s murder spree and she shot him, he hadn’t been that angry.  Suzie though had never made Jack feel vulnerable.

Tosh and Owen knew him and his moods by now but they were still something for Gwen to learn.  She must have remained silent on the subject of Ianto so as not to anger him further, especially when, from her point of view, her little outburst about how they treated her fellow countryman caused him to storm off in a bad mood.

Gwen was here to play chaperone.  Here to make sure that Ianto was alright in his company and to temper Jack in the Welshman’s.

The alarm of the cog wheel door sounded again making Jack straighten up.  Ianto entered a little subdued. He looked across the Hub and then up towards them.

Jack lifted his head and nodded his greeting.  There was a slight hesitation then Ianto blinked his nod in acknowledgement.

“You would never have shot him, not really,” Gwen said as Ianto moved away to start picking up the rubbish.

“Wouldn’t I,” Jack answered trying to sound casual while being surprised by the faith in her voice. 

He had been prepared to shoot.  Gwen and Ianto himself had both, in different ways, stopped Jack from committing murder that night.

“Would you have shot me if I’d gone to stand by him?” she asked disbelieving.

“But you didn’t.”

“If I had though?”

“But you didn’t,” Jack repeated in a more forceful tone; it was not a question he ever wanted to answer.

“Will he stay?” She asked gently.

Jack shrugged.  He wanted Ianto to stay and at the moment it was what the young man wanted too.  This was Torchwood though and it wasn’t safe to assume that the situation wouldn’t change.

“All that deception because he couldn’t bear to live without her,” There was a sadness in her voice that made Jack wonder if she was thinking about the lies that she had to tell Rhys.

“So have you ever loved anyone that much?” she asked slightly nervous

Jack looked at her but didn’t answer.  It was a question that reminded him of another betrayal and the horror in Ianto’s voice at the thought of someone destroying the world for him.

“When she had hold of you I thought, just for a moment, I thought maybe you could die after all.”

Jack wondered why Gwen said that and realised the matter had been bothering her all this time.  She had been waiting to see if things were settled between him and Ianto before she dared to ask.

“Want to know a secret?” he asked wanting to answer this simple question to make up for avoiding answering the others. 

She nodded and gave an assenting sound.

“So did I,” he said truthfully, “and just for a second there I felt so alive,” he added with wondrous regret.

He had felt so alive.  So close to death that he feared it and wanted to live.

So aware of his own immortality he couldn’t bear to see Ianto’s fragile finite nature on display.  He breathed life with a kiss into the young man because he hated surrendering anyone he cared about to death where he could not himself go.

As Ianto woke and Jack looked down at him he felt that familiar spark.  The fabulous realisation that he was seeing a beautiful being who, in that moment, could see him as beautiful too.

Then Lisa screamed in pain and he ran to her.  Jack knew better now that to expect otherwise.

It was the rejection that defeated the last of Jack’s better nature.  Using Myfanwy to attack Lisa had been cruel.  An emotional attack against Ianto as much as a physical attack against the cyberwoman.

Lost in thought he just watched Ianto collecting the Hub’s rubbish.  He was glad that Gwen said nothing more and glad she was there as a barrier against his own potential stupidity.

When Jack was satisfied that Ianto had found his rhythm within the Hub he turned away and led Gwen to his office to go over her reports.

He felt a knot within him unravel.  He had talked to all of his team and he had talked to Ianto.  Things could not go back to the way they were but for now they were all prepared to try a different way of working together.

 

Fin.


End file.
